The Perfect Bartender
Tyler was the best bartender in the whole wide world. To accompany his vast knowledge of worldly spirits and the craftiest cocktails, he could small talk even the blandest of humans to confessing something kinky they’ve done. He was easy on the eyes and had a pep in his step. But what made him the best you ask? Tyler has special psychic abilities.
If a couple walks into the bar with no recollection of ever ordering a drink in their lives, he would be able to predict what vodka they wanted and what fun mixers he could add. If someone asked for “something special, not too sweet but also tart,” Tyler would search deep into their soul to find the exact essence of what makes this person tick, what makes them giddy, and what would send their pallet on a flavor orgasm chariot. You wouldn’t even have to speak, because he knew at what point you wanted another cocktail. He knew exactly what the specs were, what non-feminine glass was used, or what the extra simple syrup that was added. Tyler was never caught in the weeds or busy with other customers, because he could sense what drink you wanted even before you could leave the house.
He could tell when you got reamed by your boss at work, when you were living your best life, or when the world threw you too many curve balls and you struck out. You bet your ass he would give you that last drink, even if it was thirty minutes past last call and he was ready to close up for the night. He had no where to be but right there with you.
But where could a dream like Tyler possibly work? The answer is in the question you see, because Tyler works at the bar of make believe! He works along side eight armed servers who can carry fifty clean forks in one go and can de-cook your steak from a medium to a medium rare with a look. The busboys that refill your water through their filtered finger tip and can clean your table with just a smile. It’s truly a magical place with the best part being you don’t have to tip because every meal is free!
So when you go to out to a bar next, just ask for Tyler. When they tell you “He doesn’t work here,” don’t be sad or disappointed because theres nothing anyone can do. Just step back down to Earth, back into your bar stool, pick up a menu, and use your words. Because the honest truth is this:
No matter how hard you try or how often you persist, no bartender is Tyler because he doesn’t exists.